I am coming to the end of this whole being pregnant thing.  It will all have happened in just over a year since we found out we were pregnant the first time.  I'm reflecting now because I know this baby may not wait the four weeks it has left inside to come out.  I keep telling baby to be late, but not too late, for my own selfish reasons.

For a while I struggled  with the idea of having children because I thought it was selfish.  I have yet to to come up with a legit reason to bring another human being in to this world that isn't based on some sort of selfish motivation on our part- even though I know parenting is one of the most selfless things I'll ever do.  The baby inside me is our emotional reaction to a miscarriage; and that first pregnancy was a total surprise.  But, we were planning by that point on making babies, so I had reconciled myself with the selfish motivations.  I do want offspring, I want to have the security of people around to care for me and look out for my interests when I no longer can.  I want to see what my genes will look like mixed with my husband's.  I want to see how my theories on parenting actually stack up in reality- no one takes you totally seriously when you talk about "how to raise children" until you have empirical evidence.  The concept and resulting conception come because of a series of "I want..." statements, but the actual person that is created won't (I hope!).

The funny thing about this "year of pregnancy" is that our lives really haven't revolved around pregnancy that much.  The main focus of the past year has definitely been Marc's choices related to the fact that he wants to be the Provider.  The first pregnancy kind of shocked him out of complacent dislike for the career path he was on; into action to find another path he could imagine involving himself in for the rest of his working life.  The only thing I asked of him is that he find something that will make him happy.  We relocated to Denmark for the new job!  And I think switching to the European work environment alone will be a huge help for Marc's happiness.  The other day we were invited over to a barbecue by people from our new church.  Our new Danish friends were warning Marc to really stick to the required hours when he starts working, especially with the new baby, because sometimes people work 40-45 hours a week! and you don't want to get into that habit especially because you don't get paid for the extra time you spend.  I didn't laugh out loud because they were truly concerned, but its just such an example of the difference between here and North America (where people would be saying "don't work 60 hours" if anything).  A difference that is going to increase Marc's quality of life so much more... I hope.

The best thing I did during pregnancy, by far, was go on a cruise right at the beginning of the second trimester.  My baby-sick was really getting to me at that point and I didn't know when it would be over.  The only true thing I knew how to do to combat it was to eat good food constantly; lots of protein and complex sugars and the bigger the breakfast the better.  But when I'm feeling sick, I'm much more inclined to sleep then to make food for myself (I'll blame the narcolepsy for that).  It was just so nice to have a few days where I didn't have to worry about the production of meals or whereto find food, I could just worry about eating.  So a cruise during pregnancy is a must for me; and if I ever do this whole "body snatchers" thing again, I'm going on another one...or two... and maybe not getting off the boat in ports next time.

I am coming around to understanding how women do have more than one baby.  I'm looking forward to my labour in a lot of ways.  My husband and I have had to prepare for our natural birth with books and The Pink Kit; we never had the time to take any instructed classes.  Not that Toronto offered very much for natural birth outside hypno-birthing, which was not what we wanted to do. Denmark's system seems much more open to the natural birth process.  The midwives here are recognized medical professionals who handle all things birth related unless there are complications or the mother wants to work solely with a doctor.  But the midwife here in Brande still said to me "you might end up wanting an epidural" when I told her I wanted to do a drug-free birth.  I am so tired of hearing that, but that's a whole other post.  I've pretty much forgotten how miserable I was in the first half of my pregnancy, and in the course of it Marc and I figured out how to manage things so that next time (because there will probably be one) I may be able to suffer less.  

These days I have crazy heartburn and too many stretch marks.  Marc laughs at how round I am, especially when I sit- he thinks it is cute.  He asked me the other day if he could call me "roley-poley" and I told him he was going to give me a complex.  It's all in jest and fun.  I am much bigger than I realize.  In my head I don't picture myself with such a huge belly for some reason, so I get surprised when I see my reflection.  But, I wouldn't call myself huge- especially for being at the end.  I have tried not to waddle as I walk and, in the past few days, my efforts have become unsuccessful.  My hip joints are softening, especially the tissue around my sacrum, so I'm loving the yoga stretches I have learned and the massage techniques The Pink Kit has taught my husband.  I'm really appreciating the Internal Work from TPK as well; it feels good and seems like it is going to be incredibly helpful.

Today our shipment from Canada arrives so I will actually be able to nest for real.  I have made an EC baby outfit from scratch, no pattern, just ideas off the internet.  My soft crib is getting its finishing touches, but it's totally functional.  Once we unpack the big computer I'll be able to post photos of all the projects, and by then  I'm hoping there will be more done, but the nest might be a bit time consuming.