I don't write enough. I don't talk to my family and friends enough. I never have time to exercise so I am not as fit as I want to be. We don't have enough money to do all the work on our house we want to do or pay off our debts fast enough. I should get a normal job because everyone around me has a job. I can't speak Danish well enough, I need to work on that too... BLAH BLAH BLAH

Seriously, I am tired of my own brain at this point. It is in overdrive thinking about the things I don't have time for, the things I am not doing as often or as well as I want to be doing. Well guess what there is always going to be a list under that headline, isn't there? so I need to chill and prioritize. Bottom line is I need to eliminate everything on that list that is there based on my fears.

Fear of walking around this house in ten years and having the same to-do list I have today... Screw that one. If it bothers us enough to change it, we will find a way.

Fear of never being comfortable financially... Welcome to my generations' reality, also, God will provide.

Fear of being "fat"...  Fat is relative. I need to stop comparing myself to other people, stop judging my appearance. But really, I thought I was "fat" before I had a baby so what I am I going to think in five years? Exercise is good for me, but stressing about doing exercise defeats its purpose. Also, if I am an awesome mother but not a skinny mother I should be happy about that. At this point I am dedicated to my family more than I am to my figure, period.

Fear of never having a "career" or failing as a working woman... This one is tricky but it boils down to me defining success based on the people around me. What do I want to BE? an author, a writer for myself preferably under a pseudonym, oh and self publishing my own stuff too. Everyone around me is working for THAT company. Everyone around me has payed maternity leave for a year. Everyone around me keeps asking what I do or want to do and I don't have a simple answer like everyone around me does. E will start going to dagplejer in a few months and then the pressure is on. I have to do something. I want that thing to be what God wants me to do. I want that thing to keep me entirely pure of heart. I want to be successful and I want it to make sense in our life. If I remove all the fear I have of failing, the path is clear for me. God has shown me what I should focus on. Since I know it, I need to own it.

Fear of missed opportunities... I am really not scared of Danish anymore. I know one day I will speak it so well you wouldn't even know I was not a Dane. That day may take 20 years to come, but it will happen. As always, I can spend time just focusing on learning to speak Danish; but to do that I have to sacrifice other more time-sensitive goals. I couldn't choose to let another woman care for E while I went to learn Danish. The choice being made to put E in dagplejer is a choice we're making for him. The time I get from that is an extra thing I have to hold. A resource gained. The question is do I take that resource and immediately use it to knock this thing that I have wanted for two years into Mission Super Accomplished territory? Do I try to finish my language modules in a classroom? Finishing will open up mega opportunities but probably destroy the window I have to do the thing I really am passionate about and find out if I can succeed at it. I'm sure the window will open again in some way at some point in the future. Danish is only a question of time, not of opportunity... but it's also a guaranteed accomplishment.

Fear of losing contact... My life is bursting with love. I can never care about someone too much. I can never pray too hard for a person. But, I can waste energy and time in voids of superficial connection. *facebook* I can only ask the people I love to use Skype so many times before I feel like I am wasting my time. We can only make the trip back to North America so many times before we're exhausted by the cost both to our lives and our bank accounts. For the first time we don't have any obligation (as in a booked plane flight) back to west side of the Atlantic since we moved to Denmark. And as hard as I know it would be for some to hear, if we never leave Denmark again I won't be too ruffled. Our house is always accepting visitors. Though I truly can't imagine going a year without making a trip back, I know it will happen eventually. I will put as much energy and effort into keeping up with my friends and family... if I lose relationships along the way I will be sad, but it won't hold me back. I have suffered losses in my life much worse and more dramatic. The love in my heart will always be there whether I talk to you once a week or once a decade.
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