it could always be worse

this is just a short time
its a month, maybe less maybe more.
hopefully not more
people leave their families for longer
women leave their babies for longer
wives leave their husbands for longer
in the name of financial progress

the constant quest for prosperity
it sucks you in and then
you have to work really hard
to escape it's grasp
its a human experience
you are not doomed
to repeat it over and over

but to get out means to learn
to get out means to sacrifice
to get out means to change

I always choose life
from the point that I stopped
I stopped choosing death
I always choose life
and I can't make excuses
to let death in
I am a valiant to the core
and I always have been
there is no going back
I will taste death
but one time, not thousands
and not at all before I return

to go forward
with a clean tounge
that means a month alone
doing hard labour
until the work is done
or the resources run out
but either way
my family is far away
my support system is not aware
I am going into isolation
a voluntary solitary

the media that surrounds me
the people that talk to me
the community that I claim
I just don't want to engage them
because I need all my energy
to dig my way free
and I need all my time
to pray for more strength
to overcome the pain
to overcome the stress
to overcome the voice that says

you are not good enough
you are not strong enough
you are not smart enough
you will fail to fix this
your children will never understand
your husband will abandon you too

because that voice is deception
weaved into my being
and I will never accept it as my truth
but I still have to fight its effects
only for a month
maybe less, maybe more
hope, fully, not more
pray, fully, not more

in a previous moment working
on the project I am leaving my family to finish

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